Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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