my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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