Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
