my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You made out with two different species that night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
