too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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