'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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