smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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