I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
