i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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