So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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