i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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