..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
