um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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