when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
