I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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