Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
