It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
