I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Quick, to the slutcave!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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