I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
