Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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