Please, let me fuck your mom
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
