What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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