Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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