what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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