I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drake has all the answers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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