So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
