I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
