i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize