return my video game
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
