Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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