please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
