Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
