My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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