Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
