i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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