Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
