I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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