I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
