I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
