Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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