It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
