i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
