we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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