I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
