you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
