I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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