Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My life is pants optional.
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