I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
