I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize