I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
