let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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