...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
