also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Holy sore nipples Batman
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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