Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize
