it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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