Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
