gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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