franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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