She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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