I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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