Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
