Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize