Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
