hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize