Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
