You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
