we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
