I cannot find my penis.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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