Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize