Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
